Pain patients are silent warriors.
Every day we wake up – if we have slept – to fight another day. Each daily task exhausting.
Getting up, getting dressed, making food, making a bed…..so simple and without thought for so many, but for us, a battle to be fought.
We put on our armour, just like soldiers. Shield ourselves from the silent disapproval or disbelief of so many. Hide from our emotions or the visible emotional effect we have on those we love.
Seek cover from the assault of failure, that comes from just our sheer existence in pain.
We prepare for battle with Doctors, Hospitals, Employers and Family.
We treat our injuries any method we can; with resources, either available or affordable.
Lick our wounds in private, so no one will see our pain and suffering.
Feel the rot and sickness on our insides, but the outside looks normal. So who is to believe our pain?
We lose sometimes……not having the energy to even get up off the couch or out of bed. Not wanting to survive anymore in this constant burning state with minimal relief ever. Tired, so very tired of the pain, of watching others affected by our circumstance. Not wanting to hold them back in their own battle. Sometimes, just sometimes wanting to be left behind….wanting to be put out of our misery.
Sometimes we win…..we have a day without pain. A day we are so very grateful for. A day where we push ourselves to far, because we want to suck up every second of the pain free moments. To feel like we are human, normal, beautiful and strong …..instead of sick, weak and ugly.
No parades for our battles.
No memorial for our losses.
No fanfare for our successes.
Blame, ignorance, cruelty, anger, sadness and pain that is recognized. Which leaves us so alone when we win.
Our losses evident – wins silent.
The solitary life of a Painie. We are lonely, sad, misunderstood and sick.
We are also people who we should be proud to be who we are.
Just the days we feel good, we appreciate more than those without pain.
We recognize kindness as genuine, loving and true more than the average person. Those who have given to us, have done so without reward or medal for standing by us every day. They just do.
We can appreciate love more than most. It takes special people to truly love us.
We are granted humility, patience, understanding, empathy. Others are not so lucky.
We are the silent warriors, but we don’t fight the battle alone.