Recently, I have been thinking about the friends that I have lost over the past 8 years. I am sure that my fellow Painies have the same experience. Women tend to hold our friendships almost sacred. We share innermost thoughts, secrets and demons. We can share a look over a dinner table and burst into laughter over a secret joke. We can sit with each other in silence and know exactly what needs to be said or done – without saying it or doing it – and we know everything will be ok. I had a friend I never thought I would lose because I was sick. Recently, I saw over a social media network, she is socializing with another friend I lost to my illness. It made me sad. It made me lonely. It made me miss who I was. It made me mad. But mostly it made me want to scream. I am still here. I am still me under the pain. I am still here.