Ok, so I doing a “poor me” routine last night. Planned on going to a Halloween party – as Snookie (I do watch Jersey Shore I admit it). My girls (who don’t watch the show) thought the long nails poof wig and copious amounts of bronzer to turn myself from white/red to Jersey Tanned, are hilarious.
Unfortunately, the weather became low pressure, grey and the type that cripples me. So, there goes the party……. although I could have attended I knew there would be dire consequences. It will mean 3 days in agony. The depression washed over me like a shower. The constant dependence and restrictions to my life. I can’t just say to someone “Yes, I will come to your party” It is always until that very last-minute. Unfair to me, my husband, my children and so on – I refer to “The Spoon Theory”.
These days, when I get ANGRY. Turning a bad emotion into good is productive. Halloween provided some funny comparisons to our situation and I always figure it is better to laugh than cry. Any further Ghost, Goblin or Spooky characters you would like to add – please do so.
Mike Myers – sometimes I feel nothing will kill me. I am indestructible – my comparison to Mike is this: shot, stabbed, burned, hit by a car, run over by a car, thrown from a window etc. he does not die. I feel like the pain keeps doing those things to me and I am not dead. INSTEAD it fuels my determination, filled with either an obsession (a fight to find a resolution) or anger (wanting to kill the source of the pain, anger at dr.s, people and treatments). Just like Mike keeps getting up and going for more.
Freddy Krueger – Sleep is elusive something I lost in this journey of Pain. I think I get about 2-4 hours a night. Freddy invaded my brain and instead of killing me in my sleep, he has taken sleep away. When I do collapse from exhaustion my dreams will become vivid and frightening.
Saw – I have only seen Saw 1 and parts of Saw II; I can only reference them. The villain is sick and dying. Disgusted with people ungrateful to be alive, he seeks not only kill but terrorize them. I too feel anger at those who don’t appreciate their fortune. I absolutely without questions do not want to do what happened in SAW; but I hope the general population, is grateful for the wonderful and small things in their lives.
The Excorcist – I refer to the original – less gore more cerebral – the scene in particular is when Regan’s nightdress is lifted and her stomach says “Help Me”. I know how she feels. I don’t think I have projectile vomited pea soup or spun my head in 360 rotation, my husband may beg to differ. I have looked at people and tried to telepathically beg their help.
The Omen – While I don’t believe this movie to be true – I think I have met Damien in the form of a Dr., an ignorant jerk telling me to “lose weight” or “go for a walk”. They seem to be missing the necessary Empathy chip
Dracula – I am nocturnal from insomnia, I am isolated because of pain and I get flushes on my face that are strange. These three attributes, might confuse some people into thinking I am a vampire – but I won’t bite. Do have to say though, if I were on Team Edward – that life could be ok, sparkly skin, super strength, huge mansion to live in….and Robert Pattison.
Werewolf – I try, to remain the person I was prior to the pain. When pain comes, the fear of pain or panic of ” this will be my life – forever”. The Beasty arrives. I am cranky, short-tempered and angry. To refer to Twilight, I am actually Team Jacob – so being a real werewolf wouldn’t be that bad.
Zombie Here is the Winner!!! My posture is awkward and hunched, I grunt and groan when changing positions, lack of sleep gives me the dazed facial expression, I don’t move very quickly, but I can go for a distance. I seem to have a focus on getting somewhere, but can get distracted and change course. I sometimes have a back or neck brace, which are Zombie fashion “dos”. When pushed down I have trouble getting back up.
Any of you out there feel the same? I thought it was a good time to laugh about our situation and compare it to the Para-normal. In a few hours I will morph into super Mummy again, I will get dressed up in my Snookie costume. Put scary sounds on a CD. Pile the candy (forget those healthy treats – it is Halloween) for distribution, get some coins for Unicef. Turn my livingroom into a back stage, while I apply makeup with glitter and colour, put and style the wigs, attach glow in the dark bracelets and provide the goody collecting bags.
Most importantly, I will revel in the pure joy that each little ghost or goblin brings. Their innocence, excitement and jitters. A day they get to be someone completely different, play/laugh with their friends, be really involved with their parents and eat sugar. Can life get any better than that??
In closing: the only monster that my babies will have to worry about tonight – is the Monstrous Munchy Mummy – when I steal some of their candy!!!