Halloween Is Our Permanent State? Good & Bad


Deformables Zombie
Image via Wikipedia

Ok, so I doing a “poor me” routine last night. Planned on going to a Halloween party – as Snookie (I do watch Jersey Shore I admit it). My girls (who don’t watch the show) thought the long nails poof wig and copious amounts of bronzer to turn myself from white/red to Jersey Tanned, are hilarious.

Unfortunately, the weather became low pressure, grey and the type that cripples me. So, there goes the party……. although I could have attended I knew there would be dire consequences. It will mean 3 days in agony. The depression washed over me like a shower. The constant dependence and restrictions to my life. I can’t just say to someone “Yes, I will come to your party” It is always until that very last-minute. Unfair to me, my husband, my children and so on – I refer to “The Spoon Theory”.

These days, when I get ANGRY.  Turning a bad emotion into good is productive. Halloween provided some funny comparisons to our situation and I always figure it is better to laugh than cry. Any further Ghost, Goblin or Spooky characters you would like to add – please do so.

Mike Myers – sometimes I feel  nothing will kill me. I am indestructible – my comparison to Mike is this: shot, stabbed, burned, hit by a car, run over by a car, thrown from a window etc. he does not die. I feel like the pain keeps doing those things to me and I am not dead. INSTEAD it fuels my determination, filled with either an obsession (a fight to find a resolution) or anger (wanting to kill the source of the pain, anger at dr.s, people and treatments). Just like Mike keeps getting up and going for more.

Freddy Krueger – Sleep is elusive  something I lost  in this journey of Pain. I think I get about 2-4 hours a night. Freddy invaded my brain and instead of killing me in my sleep, he has taken sleep away. When I do collapse from exhaustion my dreams will become vivid and frightening.

Saw –  I have only seen Saw 1 and parts of Saw II;  I can only reference them. The villain is sick and dying. Disgusted with people ungrateful to be alive, he seeks not only kill but terrorize them. I too feel  anger at those who don’t appreciate their fortune. I absolutely without questions do not want to do what happened in SAW;  but I hope the general population, is grateful for the wonderful and small things in their lives.

The Excorcist – I refer to the original – less gore more cerebral – the scene in particular is when Regan’s nightdress is lifted and her stomach says “Help Me”. I know how she feels.  I don’t think I have projectile vomited pea soup or spun my head in 360 rotation, my husband may beg to differ. I have looked at people and tried to telepathically beg their help.

The Omen – While I don’t believe this movie to be true – I think I have met Damien in the form of a Dr., an ignorant jerk telling me to “lose weight” or “go for a walk”. They seem to be missing the necessary Empathy chip

Dracula – I am nocturnal from insomnia, I am isolated because of  pain and I get flushes on my face that are strange. These three attributes, might confuse some people into thinking I am a vampire – but I won’t bite. Do have to say though, if I were on Team Edward – that life could be ok, sparkly skin, super strength, huge mansion to live in….and Robert Pattison.

Werewolf – I try, to remain the person I was prior to the pain. When pain comes, the fear of pain or  panic of ” this will be my life – forever”. The Beasty arrives. I am cranky, short-tempered and angry. To refer to Twilight, I am actually Team Jacob – so being a real werewolf wouldn’t be that bad.

Zombie Here is the Winner!!! My posture is awkward and hunched, I grunt and groan when changing positions, lack of sleep gives me the dazed facial expression, I don’t move very quickly, but I can go for a distance. I seem to have a focus on getting somewhere, but can get distracted and change course. I sometimes have a back or neck brace, which are Zombie fashion “dos”. When pushed down I have trouble getting back up.

Halloween

Any of you out there feel the same? I thought it was a good time to laugh about our situation and compare it to the Para-normal. In a few hours I will morph into super Mummy again, I will get dressed up in my Snookie costume. Put scary sounds on a CD. Pile the candy (forget those healthy treats – it is Halloween) for distribution, get some coins for Unicef. Turn my livingroom into a back stage, while I apply makeup with glitter and colour, put and style the wigs, attach glow in the dark bracelets and provide the goody collecting bags.

Most importantly,  I will revel in the pure joy that each little ghost or goblin brings. Their innocence, excitement and jitters. A day they get to be someone completely different, play/laugh with their friends, be really involved with their parents and eat sugar. Can life get any better than that??

In closing: the only monster that my babies will have to worry about tonight – is the Monstrous Munchy Mummy – when I steal some of their candy!!!

Happy Trick or Treating Everyone!!!

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3 thoughts on “Halloween Is Our Permanent State? Good & Bad

  1. I read your post on Phylor’s blog and am responding as you said you are always looking for resources.
    I was diagnosed with fibro in 1996 and personally use and facilitate groups to learn Therapeutic Creative Expression. It is a wonderful way to express what you are going through.
    I post tutorials on my blog to help people learn how to do this. It’s been a Godsend for me and I’m passionate about it.
    If you have any questions on the tutorials I’d be happy to reply. My blog is http://JudithWesterfield.wordpress.com (creativitytotheMax, the blog — Max is my dog)
    Judy

    1. Hi Judith,

      I would love to talk to you more about what you are doing. Can you please go through my Contact Page? I tried to go on your site, but didn’t see a Contact location. I am blonde, 40 and disabled so I might be missing it!!!

      Thanks, K

  2. I think you covered just about every creepy movie/book character. I would add the monster than lives in your closet or under your bed. When you’re a child, you are sure that such monsters exist. Your parent(s) reassure you that they don’t, and look under the bed, and in the closet for you. Now, as adults, chronic pain is our monster, and sometimes it hides for awhile — a day, an hour, a month. But, it’s only napping, like a dragon, and can spring to action at any momemt. It may not conjure up the same fear of the unknown a child has, but it can have the same power if we let it.
    I hope the parents accompanying the children appreciated your costume. I don’t watch Jersey Shores, so I conjured up in my head what your costume might look given the description. I spent Halloween in bed wrapped around a box of kleenex due to a horrible cold. My costume would have been my pjs and a very red nose!
    Great posting.

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